#weve been struggling a lot lately

[forever-unsure-self]

[realstrap]

07/20/2024

Time sensitive!

Our landlord is coming with the electrical company on the 23rd to finally fix our energy issues, and we need to get this house clean

We're short on money and out of supplies and we need to get it done b4 then

$90 needed

CA: $lezsalt/$sleepyhen

Vm: wildwotko

Dm 4 PP

[xxxg0ryygurlll13xxx]

i feel reallllllly bad abt this

so some backstory my bf plays a lot of military video games (war thunder esp thats his fave) and loves military boats and planes and wants to go into the military via an academy.

i have a complicated relationship w the military and military men. a lot of the men in my family (my grandfathers, uncles, cousins etc) were at one point in the military and it didnt go well for any of them. they all have major issues cause of their service. my grandfather developed a drinking problem after vietnam, my great uncle extreme PTSD after fighting in Iraq and all have or had been abandoned by the govt esp my uncles. so needless to say i have a weird relationship w the us govt and military systems.

so my bf wants to go into the military and while im well aware that high school sweethearts usually dont work out weve been dating for over 3 years straight and bros been talking abt marriage lately so i kinda have a feeling well last so his military dreams scare the SHIT out of me. not just the possibility of having him come back in a casket, or not coming back at all but him coming back so different, angry/violent or a drunk or an addict or sick or all of the above. i want him to be happy but i dont want him to come back blown to bits or missing limbs.

hes one of those people who wants to do it for the glory. the love of country the idea of coming back a hero. the way the current politics are going in america were probably gonna have a huge war soon maybe even on 2 fronts, WWIII. that scares me too just in general and add someone i love so much so far for so long going years w/o seeing him, sometimes not knowing if hes dead or alive. scares me but thats so selfish. thats my problem im so selfish about it. ive told him my concerns and it makes me feel like a bad person cause ik he wants this pretty bad tho he did say if he doesnt get into an academy he wont enlist hell go somewhere else for engineering and work for the govt that way. but i just feel so selfish. i want him to be happy but i also want him alive and safe.

also while im being honest here i really dont think hes military material. hes not very uh fit (i doubt hed pass the physical test), his grades r pretty average the academies r really hard to get into, hes EXTREMELY stubborn which the military would not at all approve of he only does one extracurricular, and he has some other problems i wont mention that wouldnt go well in the military. so his chances at an academy arent very high but just enough to scare me.

and i know its selfish which is why i feel so bad about it. its so complicated. on one hand i really dont want him to go and i just want him to consider the pros and cons, he has a very video game propaganda-y watered down "glory" view of the military that they can do no wrong and i know the other end the trauma, the abandonment, the fear, ive heard the stories the stories of men watching each other get blown up, watching civilians struggle to breathe cause of the chemicals we used, my grandfather had to watch his best friend get his legs blown off. the coming back different, changed and not for the better. sure the glorys nice the honor is amazing but at what cost? i have relatives who have purple hearts and were abandoned by the system that gave it to them. on the other hand tho i know its so selfish to not want him to follow what he wants to do. to tell him he shouldnt, that its a bad idea, that its not worth it, that the risk isnt worth the possible reward, to think abt how once u sign on that dotted line u cant quit till ur contract is up. im gonna follow my dreams of being an artist so why should i let him follow his?

i feel so conflicted abt it. i cant tell where the line between caring and selfishness is. i feel guilty and selfish and scared all at the same time. i hope and pray he changes his mind but i know i cant make him no matter how many times i not so subtly mention the possiblity of death, disability, PTSD the thousands of things that can go wrong. i feel so selfish but i cant help my fear. i think i care too much. thats my problem. i care too much abt his physical safety i overlook his happiness. i apologized to him abt my selfishness over this like a half hour ago and havent heard back.

[swervdcity-arc]

hi hii i love you all. just wanted to drop an activity/life update on the dash since ive been almost radio silent. by no means do you have to read all of it, but just know i might not be online for a bit until i get my shit together! if inactivity bothers u at all, feel free to hardblock me if you so desire. tw for drug abuse, substance abuse, self harm.

ive struggled with substance abuse problems for a big part of my life, almost ALWAYS exacerbated by anxiety and my chronic stomach problems. i was clean from painkillers for almost 8 months (give or take) and i relapsed this week. i talked with my partner about it and weve already discussed plans of action, but so far, ive been good for the past 4 days so thats a winnnn.

i can already feel a MASSIVE difference in my body since. i've been trying my best to keep myself healthy these past couple of days, and at the least feel like a living person, and its really fucking difficult. i dont have a lot going on for me rn, so theres not much i can do to distract myself. i did hang out with one of my long time besties last night and had a blast, so that was really really awesome.

i have a support system, i'm safe, and i know from here its back to the uphill battle. it can feel really really bleak, and its honestly been incredibly embarrassing to even acknowledge a relapse or that i had a problem in the first place. but im really grateful that i'm truly in a place and surrounded by people who care for me and want to see me get better.

if ive been super silent lately, this is why. i try to tend to me relationships the best i can, because i do care for them truly, and i love chatting with my tumblr besties. ive just been exhausted and havent had the capacity to even say "heyyy im going thru it im going dark for a bit." but please know im not ghosting you or anything, i just havent had the brain power to say whats going on.

i will be here though! soon! when i feel better and capable of doing so! i wont lie, i LOVE writing here even though it kicks my ass sometimes. its become such an important creative outlet for me, and despite the Problems, i feel safe and happy in my community. i love writing with yall, i love the people with make up and making them kiss, i love reading and writing lore. its really important to be as a hobby, so you definitely will see me back.

i might pop on the dash every now and then to say hi and yell about stuff, i might draft sum shit up soon, but im going to be prioritizing getting my shit together for the time being.

xoxo godsip girl

[chcctah]

@c137 HAPPY BIRTHDAY MY OLD GREAT GREAT GREAT GRANNY BABI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOCH KISSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS SORRY FOR THE LONG WAIT !!!! I WANTED EVERYTHING TO BE PERFECT

i really really lost count of HOW MANY YEARS weve been doing this, its just so insane. youre the longest friend i had for years and i don't think i know anyone here as long, def not. i was 13 when we first met and today i am 25, i'll be 26 in just less than 3 months and it's just.. crazy. it's crazy that in less than 3 months it'll be half of my entire life spent knowing you, and i couldn't wish for a better friend to go with me through this journey.

even if our interests are different today, the fandoms we changed over and over, the struggles you went through your life, the struggles i went through mine, it doesn't matter if you know who i am in real life, where i'm from, what i am - you always accepted me and you always see me first as a human being first than anything, and i think that's the greatest gift i could ever have, to have a person like you that's always listening, that always keeps the door open to me, and to have this friend i can trust and be myself around in this world that i so many times feel so alone and feel like i do not belong, it really means the world for me. your love means so much for me and i'm so glad i got to grow up being with & around you. i still keep the necklace you gave me and at times like these it changes the entire world for me and makes me smile. you've changed my life for the better, and if you're capable of influencing someone's lives to such deegre - i'm sure you're capable of doing much more and everything. the dreams you have, the plans for the future even if those take time or some savings - i just know in my heart you can achieve everything you would like in your heart, and it'll be never too late to live those dreams and make them reality.

i love you so so much jasper, i'll forever love you and i hope we could always just be there for each other for a very long time! even if its just appearing on dash posting art, just knowing youre here and present and okay makes my life complete and brings me lots happiness

I LOVE U!!!! I SORRY IT GOT LONG SMOOCHES U!!! HAPPY BIRTH!!! ALSO USED THIS IMAGE REF FOR THE MONSTER ERIC DRAWING!! I THOUGHT IT WAS SO NEAT I SAVED IT I PLANNED TO DRAW THEM IN THIS POSE

[the-grove]

Weve been thinking a lot lately about what weve done with our life.

In a lot of ways weve failed to do a lot of things, even by like idk queer standards.

Otherr people our age or younger are getting aucessful jobs, married. Etc.

Weve struggles to keep up with transition milestones, like we came out 10 years. ago, and still our legal aname and gender hasnt changed. Weve had spotty issues with access to our hrt. So like even in queer standards i feel a sort of passing.

And then i guess I think of what i fo have and what I ahve done. Their our people in my life who are alive because I was there for them. Either emotionally or literally medically because i chose to be there for them when they were really sick and they feares no one would be there. I may have stalled with my transition but if i think about it there are more people than i can count on my fingers who ive helped start the process of transitioning.

Im a mess, and by a lot of standards im struggling. But i am happy with who we are and what weve accomplished. Maybe someone else could have done btter than me but they werent there. And maybe I could do better but staying stuck in how weve failed wont help me improve, it will only keep me in this pit of despair. Im not out of it, but im not gonna give up. And im gonna help who i can alomg the way.

[rainbowywitch]

Hi 🌟,

I hope you’re doing well. We’ve raised very little so far to support me and my family during these challenging times due to the conflict in Gaza. We’re still working to reach our goal and would greatly appreciate your help. 🙏

If you can’t donate, could you please share or reblog my pinned post? Your support in spreading the word would mean a lot to us. 💪

Pinned post: https://www.tumblr.com/ahmedharara/757031731268386816/weve-been-able-to-raise-only-120-so-far?source=share

Donation link: https://gofund.me/f751a38a

Thank you so much for your kindness and support! ❤️

My name is Mohammed Alwadiya. I'm from Gaza. I’m a math teacher, I have a doctorate degree in business management, my wife and I have struggled to obtain these prestigious certifications. We have lived a wonderful life, God blessed us with our first and only child, Eleen, after several years of trying via IVF, and finally it was crowned with success. Together we made our dreams come true for a bright future, but unfortunately the dreadful war destroyed everything we worked hard for. Our beautiful home, and car was destroyed and our educational center demolished. We are now homeless living in tents, running for our lives from one place to another, seeking peace, suffering from the lack of food, water, and medicine needed to treat our injuries especially after the outbreak of diseases and endemics caused by over crowding and water contamination. All of this doesn’t compare to the moment I had to identify the remains of my martyred sister and her two children. Luckily, her daughter survived with injuries, and she’s in our care now and I hope one day I will be able to give her a better life and help her overcome her trauma. In the midst of fear, chaos, destruction, I can’t even grief and mourn the loss of my loved ones during this constant state of fear for the lives of my wife, daughter, sick elderly parents, and the last surviving injured child of my late sister. how the funds will be, when boarders open travel agency will have 5000$ for each adult and 2500$ for each kid, we are 4 adults( my wife and I and my parents, 3 kids ( my daughter, my late sister's daughter, and my little brother that equals 25000$ without living expenses as we lost our home and our money, this is the amount of money we need to escape death in Gaza.

I’m writing this as a last resort to help my family and end our suffering, I need your help to wake up from this nightmare.

[gayhenrycreel]

im so late to this, so ill put a bunch in one post.

1/2/3 principal host, protector, and persecutor

the host is Henry. ive been host since mid 2022, ever since i split. im also a trauma holder and introject.

the primary protector is Sigurd, who used to be a persecutor.

i dont really have persecutors anymore, but it used to be Jareth.

6 problematic alter

not really a thing i believe in, but some of our sources have done fucked up stuff. my source breaks peoples bones and sometimes people act like this makes me, a real person, problematic. i once had someone go after me because they think im "glorifying a white supremacist", by which they mean a fictional character who they claimed is racist because hes pale, despite the whole "fuck oppression" scene. my source is canonically anemic.

9 first introject

Doc. hes not very active now, but is currently still complaining about a dream where he got stuck in a very poorly designed door frame. hes an introject of the 11th doctor, and hes been around since i was 13.

13 most basic appearance

Keith. imagine the most bogan looking bogan and thats him

14 a couple

me (Henry) and Sigurd have been together for a little over 2 years. Sigurd helped me recover from psychosis when i split, and weve been together ever since. in turn i helped him recover from being a persecutor. the only issues weve had in our relationship is me feeling inadequate, and Sigurd being mildly jealous of me because im autosexual, and i spend a lot of time staring at myself rather than him. sorry Sigurd.

15 a family

i have a whole in system family tree. Victor is my dad, and Eddie and Elliot are me and Sigurd's kids. me and Sigurd nickname each other Spoingus, so Victor is Grand Spoingus, and Eddie and Elliot are the Spoinglets. Sigurd has 2 brothers, Hvitserk and Ivar. Hvitserk has a weird name and none of us understand how thats an actual old norse name (means White Shirt apparently). amazingly people struggle more with Sigurd's name, often calling him Sigrid, Zigurd, or Surgid. we get along well, especially since Ivar got bored of speaking exclusively in south park quotes, just because people hate it.

17 alter that breaks stereotype

Victor. hes just a normal 1950s father.

-Henry

[800-dick-pics]

🛑HELP TWO BLACK AND LATINE DISABLED UNEMPLOYED LESBIANS AVOID HOMELESSNESS!🛑

THIS IS INCREDIBLY URGENT!

Some of you know, my partner and I have been trying to raise funds to move from a toxic unstable and unsafe environment for the past year+ and we've made a post before but unfortunately we had to postpone it due to needing to put our immediate survival first. Weve attempted to move once before, In December of 2020 my partner and I were stranded in my home state of California by someone who we thought was our friend, we were depending on them to help us move to safer housing but after we were too poor to afford the things we needed, they immediately accused us of lying and trying to harm them. They were violently anti black and ableist to me durring this whole time, they drove off with our belongings and only agreed to give them back if law enforcement were present, proceeded to lie and tell the police that I was armed (I CANT even legally own firearms) and they feared for their life. They were trying to get my black disabled neurodiverse self k!lled by the anti black ass state.

We've had a whole year of struggling to survive, we barely keep ourselves fed, we're unable to properly tend to our healths and Im constantly battling with recurring trauma due to being trapped here with my long time abuser. The time has come for us to leave from this truly unrelenting, unstable, unsafe and toxic ass environment because we are being forced to do so and have no other choice. I just want to leave so I can finally heal and properly tend to various needs instead of just barely scraping by and ignoring other needs which are often urgent.

Most of my urgent needs have to do with my health because for the past 2 years since the beginning of the pandemic I've had to quit my job due to being immunocompromised and at risk of death from Covid. I've had to Essentially abandon any healthcare i was receiving because of lack of funds and stability, Which has severely prevented me from caring for myself. Many times when I was by myself and throughout this time with my partner, I've had to prioritize other aspects of my survival while my health took a back seat. With regards to my chronic illness and disabilities, My Ehlers Danlos Syndrome (EDS) and postural orthostatic tachycardia (POTS) have worsened; chronic pain, fatigue, shakes and seizures along with being prone to fainting and sudden weakness have left me practically bed and house bound due to the inability to get proper medical care due to lack of funds, medical racism and inaccessibility of transportation.

As such, i cannot keep putting this off and continue suffering with things as they are, this past October my symptoms and pain have gotten even worse, its gotten harder to complete daily tasks without requiring assistance from my partner all while going through my medicine much quicker than I used to just to be able to manage with my symptoms. I fear that if this continues I will end up hospitalized and it will be too late to properly treat my new neurological conditions. This why we need to move from here, holding off on this is not an option we need to act now while we still have a chance. Life here is not a life I can live with anymore. We both require safe and secure housing with room to live and thrive where our needs are being more than just met. We have an opportunity for better but we have to act quickly!

After months of searching, negotiating and battling with questions from an abuser who wants me gone, my partner and I have established an opportunity for housing in early February of 2022. While we are beyond excited and hopeful for the future, the fact that it took so long in the year for us to find housing has left us with a very short window to raise funds. After running calculations of moving and travel costs, we estimate that a target goal of $6500 is required in order to cover everything we need to move. Which is going to include a lot of shipping things.

My Partner and I understand that is a lot to ask for but we are unable to raise all the funds by ourselves due to being disabled and unable to work. Much of my partners new focus has been on caring for me through this time bc of my declining health. If you would like to help we need to reach this goal by the end of January. We WILL be forced to leave underfunded and under prepared which will result in us losing most of our posessions. We're going to have to leave so much behind if we do not meet this goal. My abuser has made it clear we are NOT welcome here past January. They are forcing us out and we have no other option. However, we have faith that our community will want to help us and see us thrive!

We have other posts circulating around Tumblr with regards to our immediate day 2 day needs, but we need this post to be widely circulated. If you've read through all of this (thank you!) And would like to help us boost and/or donate to our goal please leave the word "Osa" in the note when paying either of us via our cashapps and venmos so we know to put it in our savings for the move!

PLEASE HELP IN GETTING DISABLED AND CHRONICALLY ILL QTPOC TO SAFETY!!! YOU WILL BE SAVING OUR LIVES!!!!!

OUR PAY LINKS :

Cashapp: $sleepyhen OR $grumblybear

Venmo: @/wildwotko OR @/XochiRose

[valdotpng]

I feel like you are really good at looking in depth at characters. I’m super curious what you think of Ralsei? I have so many feelings about him, I feel like he is really struggling with his identity and who he is supposed to be. We get a hint of this during the boat ride where he asks “I wonder what being “Ralsei-like” even is?” And he turns away from the camera before apologizing. I do think he loves and cares for Susie and Kris a ton, also with the fact that he has been alone for a very long time so of course he doesn’t really know much about friendship yet. He thought that all you had to do was be nice but after seeing Susie he realizes there is more to it. I could talk about the boat scene all day I feel like it is the most in depth look at Ralsei we have seen!

oh i Love ralsei. even though theres been a trend to see him as a secret traitor lately, im a firm believer that, while a bit suspicious, he definitely isnt malicious. he clearly knows a lot about dark worlds and the world of deltarune as a whole (much more than any other dr character), but its also pretty clear that he lacks knowledge in other, more personal spheres. and who could blame him! like you said, poor dude has been alone literally his whole life. alone with one prophesy, one 'purpose' that he must fulfill-- that oughta mess with your perception of yourself (as well as your general worldview) a lot. unlike any other darkners weve encountered so far, it seems like hes fully embraced this..frankly upsetting role of a polite servant to the lightners. (the poor boy is a bit too passive and obedient for his own good, as evidenced by how quickly hes made into a literal servant in queens mansion) i think the root of his identity crisis lies in him being so preoccupied with becoming who hes 'supposed' to be that he forgot to ever learn who he is, if that makes sense.

it also seems like he strived to be the Perfect Friend without really knowing how friendships, or, hell, people work. like, nobody can actually be perfect, but thats part of what makes people unique and lovable in their own way. ch1 ralsei had such an idealistic and clear-cut view of friendship, heroism and other such things, and im glad that becoming kris' and susies friend has made him question all of that. its already been pointed out, but the way he goes from 'susie isnt acting like a Real Hero' to 'but isnt it wonderful that shes Her?' is fantastic. it means hes learning, growing, and perhaps coming ever so closer to discovering what being 'ralsei-like' is for himself.

id say more, but honestly id just be repeating what you already said (again). the boat ride IS a great scene bc it gives us insight into ralseis Personal struggles, and i feel like we dont see nearly enough of that

[oplishin]

Person of Color throws in their 2 cents in patho 2’s endings

This mostly looks at the endings from a thematic level and not the physical plot consequences they have.

I’m a first generation immigrant living in a predominately white culture. My take on the endings honestly changes based on how terrible I’m feeling about race atm. Currently, my mood is lying down on the floor and thinking about the hopelessness of reconciling trying to understand how you fit into overlapping, fractured racial identities. Right now, the hopelessness of the endings feels appropriate.

We’ve been discussing race a lot lately in class, and a lot of it relates to Artemys struggles. First generation immigrants and people of mixed race don’t fit cleanly into any category- weve separated ourselves from where our parents/ancestors initially came from, but we aren’t white either. There isn’t an easy solution to trying to understand how we fit into the world.

The solution a lot of us came too when we were too young to understand what the choice meant was total rejection of our native cultures. We fit into white society, but we didn’t understand the cost of that until much later. Throwing away your background means that the struggle to understand yourself becomes so much harder. And I really feel that with the Diurnal ending. It’s a desperate choice that feels right at the time, but it has devastating consequences. No matter how much it sucks, race determines the way we interact with different parts of the world and the way different parts of the world interact with us, so it shapes our identity. By throwing his culture away, Artemy is losing an integral part of who he is.

With the nocturnal ending, I... personally felt even more loss there. Even beyond the fact that so many characters are dead now. Artemy has grown up in white society for a lot of his life and it’s not something you can just separate from yourself by throwing yourself into your native culture. Getting a bit more personal here- if going to China and not having to deal with racial dynamics was an option I had I would be on a plane right now. But Chinese culture is really different from Chinese American culture. I don’t fit in there any better either because people don’t see me as Chinese. And I feel like that’s an important factor in the nocturnal ending. Growing up in white society makes you fundamentally different from people of the same race who grew up in your native culture. Artemys experiences are most likely radically different from many Kin people. Add the fact that Artemy is a white passing person of mixed race who’s ALREADY perceived as an outsider a lot do the times and hhhhh pain.

Being “a uniting bridge between peoples” is an impossibly hard task for ANYONE to undertake, and in my current mood, I’m kinda glad the endings feel like that.

So that’s kind of a summary of my positive, relatable feelings about p2s endings.

When I’m feeling better about things, I look at them and just see a lot of cold, useless cynicism. I guess that’s a common criticism of depressing pain games lmao. I think part of the appeal of patho 2 specifically is that there feels like all the pain youre going through is FOR something: your family, your friends, your people, your town. And the fact that the endings say that “nope! There isn’t a better future! It’s just more suffering from the same racial dynamics until the end of time!” feels like a slap in the face. I do think it would be unfair to ask a video game to offer a perfect solution to a racial struggle that’s been around for decades, but. This ain’t it chief.

I guess my ideal ending would just. Throw out the binary choice completely somehow. I’ve thought about this a lot, and I don’t have time to get into it fully atm because there’s. A lot. The biggest point is that Artemy has to make the active choice to try and understand his own racial identity, and there have to be people around him who can support him as he does that. It’s not a perfect ending, but like I’ve said 4000 times, there isn’t one. There is no perfect racial identity box will work for anyone. But... it’s important to try, at least.

I feel like a lot of PoC will disagree with me, which is totally valid. These are just some of my personal feelings.

[dreamdropsystemarchive]

I am wishing for the best! I hope everything goes well when y'all tell her.

And of course! Good vibes are always nice. Thank you guys for the positive energy! Sending some more good vibes to you guys! ✨ I hope Chocolat is doing well too!

I wish people would be kinder too. Fake claiming and invalidating helps nobody. I believe you guys aren't faking! Each system is different, and each system is valid! You guys are valid!

It sucks when people don't take you seriously too. Nobody knows what's going on in someone else's head, so it doesn't make sense how people just brush it off when people are struggling.

And ooh! Those sound cool! Cat ears and bunny ears.. I can see how they help!

Emotion wheels are useful, but they're hard to find. I tried finding a wheel with a lot on it, but I didn't find much. I found a few good ones though! Emotions are hard to understand, but I agree. The wheels are good for identifying feelings.

I hope they're feeling better now! But if not, then here's some more good vibes and support! ✨✨ Some days are very hard. I hope you guys were able to distract yourselves and watch some good anime!

I'm glad it helped them! Honestly I get that too. Hospitalization doesn't always help and being hospitalized is a scary thought. We shouldn't have to be afraid of being hospitalized for speaking our minds.

Aww! I'm glad I can help at least a little! I agree too. Positive interaction goes a long way especially when you're used to not being treated nice.

Thank you guys for the star! And of course! How are you guys feeling now?

-🌺

hii 🌺 anon!

we haven't got a chance to talk to her about the mania but she was in our med meeting today and got us to say we've fused. we worried she didnt believe so 😔 and we freaked out but she said she did and fusing is positive.. and that she beleives us.. rip us

thank you for the energy! right now its me and Andy rn, Tobias as cocon ealier. we might need to switch soon cause im a bit overwhelmed.. haha sending you positive energy aswell.. :>

thank you sm.. youre very kind. we appreciate you support. we deal enough with thinking were faking people saying we're faking doesnt help..

yes! we agree. we should believe in people.. it hurts when people don't believe you or act like they do. also our brain makes it auto that people dont believe us so we ask about it over and over.. it sucks..

yes! we love our ears. we deal with phantom body parts aswell. wings and ears and such

i know some emotion wheels! hope these can help. we well look for more if needed

we did end up distracting ourselves Andy was out most of the day and didnt talk to much people. but hopefully were gonna be back to being active. so sorry for the late reply. we worried at least 1 friends so oops haha.. i was in headspace for a while.. mania episode ended. probs depression is gonna hit but cause 🤪 yeah..

it is scary.. we get that. we have a lot of hospital trauma... we're scared to get hospitalized again.. weve been hospitalized 10+ times and all of them were traumatic and we have mutiple alters that hold hospital trauma.. im glad i dont remember much tbh the flashbacks i do get are horrorific

you do help. getting nice asks and positive interaction is always nice. thank youn sm 🌺 anon. youre so kind. 😭😭

a lots been going on but i feel pretty neutral/okay?? Andy feels okay aswell. I'm not sure how long this feeling will last and we're scared its gonna cause a big depression.. wdk how it will affect the system Magenta isnt manic anymore either. how are you doing?

- Shane and Andy

[yeoldontknow]

catch up tag 🌸

tagged by beautiful angels @chillingtae and @yoonia to do this catch up tag. thank you so much loves! i hope you guys are having a happy friday <3 <3

1. what do you prefer to be called name-wise?

kat is fine! i introduce myself to people as kat. if youre using my full name youre either upset with me or a member of my family lmao

2. when is your birthday?

jan 23

3. where do you live?

nyc

4. three things you are doing right now?

working (waiting for one of my systems to load which has been bogged down and super slow lately), listening to my spotify release radar (which is....not great today im disappointed), mentally drafting lines and description for the next hero chapter as im in the mood to write today but im absolutely not in a romantic place lmao

5. four fandoms that have peaked your interest?

uhhh ill list fandoms ive written fanfic for! kpop (obviously), merlin, muse, and supernatural (but like really specifically supernatural seasons 2-5)

6. how has the pandemic been treating you?

i mean....50/50. my company is amazing and i know im super privileged. ive been working from home since the end of february and corporate have been extremely generous (giving us additional time off, mental health days, extending summer fridays until end of 2021, compensating for home office needs, restructuring work from home policies to accommodate parents). i got a bonus in june in place of my raise due to financial tensions but was confirmed for another promotion next year - even was offered a new job, literally straight offered didnt even need to interview, to create my own team in a different department. i have a roof over my head and food on my table. my family is healthy, my parents are retired and safe. like...im so so so grateful.

mentally and emotionally and creatively...i am struggling. a lot of my inspiration for fics comes from being out in the city and observing people and their interactions. even architecture inspires me. the act of moving through a city inspires nearly all of my fics (like..i think everyone can sense that lmao asas is in london, light sakura is tokyo, all quiet is movement through spaces, hero was inspired by a building in harlem). not having that kind of motion and observation has made writing really hard. and also just...the news and the onslaught of hyper-reality. its been utterly daunting and ive found myself completely burned out more this year than ever before. usually my burnout hits during new years or the holidays. ive spent part of summer and part of autumn and literally all of november just...vacant.

so yeah. 50/50

7. a song you can’t stop listening to?

Flexibility of Mind - GRoost

8. recommend a movie?

Summer Wars (2009, hosoda mamoru)

9. how old are you?

31

10. school, university, occupation, other?

currently employed at a major company in the arts & entertainment industry

11. do you prefer heat or cold?

cold!!!! its so easy to warm up and bundle. who doesnt love cozy socks and hoodies and slippers <3 <3 its so hard for me to cool down in the summer and i hate sweating lmao

12. name one fact others may not know about you?

uhhh i worked in music supervision while getting my masters and the two degrees i have do not necessarily relate to the work i do now lmao

13. are you shy?

i can be. im definitely introverted and find other people to be way, way more interesting than i am. i enjoy listening to people talk about their passions and what interests them, and this also means that i dont say much or say anything at all about myself, really. im not usually the first person to engage in a group or even to introduce myself first to someone unless i get the sense there is someone uncomfortable (with the energy, the topic, the setting, etc) and then i will put myself in a position of leadership to make them feel safe

14. preferred pronouns?

she/her !

15. biggest pet peeves?

people who react rather than respond to criticism or confrontation; people who instigate drama; really loud groups of people on public transportation

16. what is your favorite ‘dere’ type?

i dont believe i have one

17. how would you rate your life from 1-10, 1 being crappy and 10 being the best it could be?

ill say like...8

18. what is your main blog?

this one - yeoldontknow

@yeoldontknowiread is for ficrecs

20. is there something people need to know about you before they become friends?

i can be pathologically secretive in that i dont really talk about myself or what my day has been like or what im up to unless something happens that is exciting or interesting. being an introvert also means that my regard for our friendship will define it as something sacred and i will likely be more devoted (though quietly so) than you might be if youre an extrovert. im really passionate about things and if i sense that you are not as passionate about those same things i will likely not bring them up again unless i feel like you want to hear about it. it might take me a while to respond to texts or messages, but it doesnt mean i love you less. there could be long periods of inactivity in our friendship but if someone else asks me about you i will say i love you and you are special to me and will call you a close friend even if its been years since weve last talked

tagging: @yehet-me-up @kyungseokie @jenmyeons @jamaisjoons @j-pping @yeolville @loeybeans @ditzymax @imdifferentshadesofpurple @red-exo @iris-somnia @inkedtae @yeojaa @hobi-gif @sahmfanficbts @snackhobi @delhyun @yutacrush @nunchiwrites @blackberrykai @kimtaehyunq @jiminiethot and anyone else who wants to do this. i know i tagged a lot of people but really i just want to check in on you and see how youre all doing. as always please only do so if you wish <3

[rinofwater]

Is it normal to develop a complex when you don't see your crush for a day

[madisonrooney]

hi it's your secret santa! first of all HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! i hope you have a wonderful day! how are you celebrating, if you are at all? safely, i hope! either way i hope you manage to find a way to have a great day full of love!! consider my christmas gift a belated birthday gift as well lol. anyway i loved reading your last answer, it was so thoughtful and sweet. i realized after reading that i barely know anything about dove lol so follow up q: what about dove makes you love her so much?

sorry for the late response! the last couple days have been v busy and ive been super tired and dissociative on top of it so i made a point to save this bc i wanted to give it my full attention!

first of all thank you!! i was going to do a virtual meet and greet with one of my favs from jersey boys but he got confused about timezones so we rescheduled but were doing it next week! then i went to a virtual walt disney family museum panel, had pizza for dinner and watched some liv and maddie, my mom made a cookie cake that we ate while watching the grinch musical, and then some friends and i watched the jersey boys movie together over skype!

im so glad you enjoyed reading my last answer! and oof thats another loaded question (i love it tho)

- like i said when first talking about what drew me to her and liv and maddie, a big thing is just how much passion and love she puts into her characters. ofc she puts passion into every character she plays, but its the passion she puts into characters like liv, maddie, and mal that means the most to me. that goes back to the fact that ive dealt with a lot of negativity directed towards me for enjoying disney channel, and then you have dove out here saying “yah im a teenager/twenty-something who not only respects what theyre doing on disney channel, but puts my all into it” not to mention she even won an emmy for playing liv and maddie in season 4! i hope that passion and talent has started to change the conversation about disney channel, and tbh i think it has at least a bit.  ofc, none of this is to say other people her age acting on disney channel arent talented and passionate, but idk, something about her has always stood out to me. i find her to be more animated and expressive than most. it can be hard for me to read emotions in live action movies and shows, so thats been really important for me. not to mention she was not only playing the lead but TWO lead characters on a four season show with distinct personalities but also subtle similarities. AND the main character in the biggest DCOM franchise in years for 5 years running now. PLUS the fact that there was a period where those were both happening at the same time. she was only 16 when she started all this and hadnt even had any big roles prior to it!! she had a lot of responsibility so it was amazing to see her not only pull it off, but excel at it.

- i just love like....her aesthetic?? shes always seemed to be a very old soul to me, into old jazz music and poetry and stuff like that. its just very charming. and for her to have that aesthetic on top of being a disney channel actress is a fascinating juxtaposition.

- this is kind of sappy and it gets tiring to hear it said over and over again but that doesnt mean it isnt true: i love how transparent she is about her struggles with mental health issues, trauma, and such. she has been for a long time but even more so over the last year or two. no shade to anyone else, but a lot of actors dont really give you a look into their personal lives, they just share and promote their product. im not saying theres anything wrong with that, its good to know what youre comfortable sharing, ive just felt all the more close to her with her being as open as she is, especially as someone who has gone through trauma myself, albeit different from hers.

- kind of connected to that, i love how important spreading kindness, positivity, and love is to her. thats another thing thats been said a million times but still, its very important to me.

for example. she’ll randomly tweet things like “i love you” a lot. im one to always think of the thought process that goes on behind whatever someone posts, texts, etc., bc personally i put a lot of a thought into pretty much anything i say or do before i put it out there publicly, probably bc of my social anxiety. even tho its a simple statement and takes her a couple seconds to post, she still had to have the thought “i want to remind my fans that theyre loved” or something along those lines. and she has this thought FREQUENTLY. to just randomly get a notification every few days or weeks or so of her saying something like that is just very heartwarming to me.

the reason i connected with miley so much when she helped me through my initial trauma was bc it felt like even if no one loved me, she loves her fans, thus she loves me. thus the person i love and admire the most loves me. even if its only one person, it can be enough. it was for me at the time. i feel that same way with dove. when she came into my life, i didn’t feel as unloved, but her love was still helpful to me.

- of course i need to specifically talk about her kindness in person too. dont get me wrong (ive been saying that a lot havent i lol), i totally and completely loved her long before i met her, but naturally, i love her 10x more after the experiences ive had getting to know her in person.

i could go ONNNNNNN about the experiences ive had with her, and i have lol, and if you already heard me ramble about this in the server i apologize, but the most important thing ive taken away from every encounter ive had with her is this: she always goes the extra mile. she always goes out of her way to make people feel special. what i mean by that is she could say/do HALF as much as she has when meeting me and i would still leave over the moon feeling loved. you can tell she does this in excess bc she really truly means it and cares about people like me, she doesnt have any kind of ulterior motive and isnt just going through the motions doing whats asked of her, she simply cares about me and the rest of her fans. some examples - the first time we met, i was sobbing (lol) and she hugged me for a really long time, rocking me back and forth, brushing my hair with her thumb, calling me sweetheart and honey. she even started to tear up a bit herself. - a couple months later, i went to my first liv and maddie taping. i was preparing to reintroduce myself (i looked a little different bc id been cosplaying as maddie the first time i met her) and ofc when preparing myself, i fantasized pretty heavily as i usually do and pictured myself showing her the pic of us on my phone, her gasping, jumping out of her chair screaming, and hugging me, thinking that was probably way more than i was gonna get. that is EXACTLY what happened. then she went on to tell me how my costume made her whole weekend. things like this would continue to happen where i would set the bar impossibly high and not only would she meet it but she’d exceed it. - our usual interaction from there on would start with her face lighting up when she saw me, her calling me some kind of cute name like love or baby, and then hugging me without me even having to initiate it. - when i saw her in mamma mia, i didnt know when id be seeing her again afterwards after pretty consistently getting to see her for 2 years, so i wanted to make sure we got some kind of closure. at the stage door, i reminded her how much she meant to me and just expected like an “aww i love you too” or something back, but she said “you are an angel in my life” and i will never forget that. obvs, i havent told her ALL the details about what she and her characters mean to me but like...she can tell. she can tell if im in a homemade maddie costume sobbing into her arms that theres something there, and shes VERY appreciative of that. - i thankfully got to see her at a meet and greet a few months later and every time i thought i should get going cuz i didnt want to hold the line up, she would just open her arms for another hug. speaking of being appreciative, she even said “thank you for being such a supportive fan.” as i left, i turned around to say one last goodbye. i made sure she wasnt with the next fan yet and yelled out “bye!” and she yelled back “I LOVE YOU!!” and blew me a kiss. again, its the little things. - i saw her at a small panel in new york a few months after that. she walked in the room when the lights were down as they were playing a clip, she quietly waved hi to everyone, then saw me and loudly whispered HI BABY!!! and stopped on her way to the stage to give me a hug. (then she looked at me from the stage and asked which way i thought she should cross her legs for the interview lol) - sometimes when she sees im next in line, shell give me a knowing smile or whisper “hi baby!!” or something like that. she saw me in the crowd after clueless and seemed to make a point to come to me last bc she knew wed be talking for a while, which we did. she even told me she’d seen me in the audience, asking if i was in the front on the left, which i was.

even all that is still just scratching the surface. weve “known” each other for 5 years now and every time i think she’s done the most she can do, she outdoes herself again. not to mention when im at these events, i see her treat all the fans she meets with all of that kindness too. naturally all of this has made me love her all the more.

- finally, lets just be honest here..........................shes REALLY fucking hot.

[quicksilverlightning]

The All Might Fan Forum Discussion Board

 ALL MIGHT FAN FORUM

General Discussion All Might Battles Meeting All Might     Rescued by All Might     All Might Encounters     >Small Might Encounters (New!) Fanart and Fanfiction

CaptainCelb09 So, I've met All Might before. I just didn't know it was him.

It wasn't a big deal or anything - I tripped walking home one day and this really tall skinny guy stopped to make sure I was okay. I was embarrassed someone saw me and brushed him off, practically ran away. Now I'm sitting here with my face on fire cause I tripped in front of ALL MIGHT and he tried to help me up and akslhsdfouashefgoawu I cannot fucking believe this I should have taken his hand

070809 Pudding Cups

Time - 6:53 PM

Scene - Shofu Park

Your Narrator - crying on a bench

My girlfriend had just broken up with me. Through text. Like, ouch, right? Anyway.

I'm just kinda staring at my phone, blurry eyed, kicking at maple leaves, wishing I could text her back cause she just blocked my number when this tall blond guy shuffles up and takes a seat at the other end of the bench. Doesn't say anything, just sits, placing his grocery bag beside him. It's a public park, whatever right?

I'm wiping my eyes, putting my phone back in my pocket and suddenly there's this white thing in front of me - blond guy is offering me a napkin, Still doesn't say anything, just smiles a little. I take it and wipe my eyes, blow my nose, try to get it together cause apparently I look bad enough that this complete stranger is worried about me. I'm stuffing the napkin in a pocket when he holds something else out - a chocolate pudding cup, one of those with the little spoons in the lid.

I'm kinda like wha? but take it anyway and he takes another one out of his bag, he's got a six pack of them in there, and he tears off the lid and starts snacking and I do the same cause fuck it, right? I eat the whole thing and he gives me another one, like we're old friends or something and I'm halfway through it when he finally speaks.

"Bad day?"

And I can't help but laugh. It's so dumb. I'm single and heartbroken and eating pudding cups with this stranger on a public park bench as it gets dark and I don't know what to feel anymore. I tell him what happened and we eat the whole six pack together, shootin' the shit until the street lights come on. He calls me "young man" and claps me on the shoulder and it's so dumb but it cheered me up. He puts all the trash back into the bag and tosses it in the bin and tells me he needs to get going and hell, I do too.

I didn't even get his name. I thought about that encounter a lot though. I have a new girlfriend and she's great. We were together when All Might's last battle happened, watching everything go down on the TV at a bar and we're all losing our shit and I lose it even harder when the smoke clears cause that's the guy I ate pudding cups with what the hell

The last three years, any time I'm having a bad day, I go to the store and get some chocolate pudding cups. Whenever the world was just a shitty place, I'd think about that blond guy, shuffling through the park and making things better as he went along.

And I guess it figures that man would turn out to be All Might, cause that's what All Might has always done - moved forward and made things better.

spite-and-aesthetic my dumbass cat

small might plucked my stupid cat out of a tree wtf kinda cliche is this guy

AM_FAN0112 i cannot BELIEVE

TWO YEARS. TWO FUCKING YEARS ALL MIGHT HAS BEEN COMING INTO MY SHOP ARE YOU SERIOUS WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL TOSHINORI

I'M DEADASS SERIOUS HE COMES IN EVERY FEW WEEKS AND BUYS A BOOK AND SOMETIMES WE CHAT ABOUT MANGA AND HE ALWAYS ASKS HOW SCHOOL IS GOING AND HELPS WITH MY ENGLISH HES SO NICE AND TOLD ME TO CALL HIM TOSHINORI IS THAT HIS REAL NAME?? A CODENAME?

I GOT HIM HOOKED ON SUGAR SUGAR CAT CAFE ITS THE DUMBEST SYRUPY SHOUJO ROMANCE AND WEVE BEEN READING IT TOGETHER FOR OVER A YEAR WHAT IS MY LIFE

Sexi-tery Long post is long

Lemme set the scene; it's raining buckets, and I'm on my way to a job interview in the ritzier part of town. I've got my best clothes on - nice, crisp suit jacket, smart-looking skirt, a decent-but-could-be-shinier pair of heels. I've just left lunch with a friend and I've got an hour before the most important interview of my life.

That's when a bus rolls by and drenches me in the greasy puddle-water of downtown Tokyo.

Y'all, I was trying not to hyperventilate. I don't have time to go home and change. Even if I did, these were my best clothes. I'm screwed, no one is going to hire me looking like a sopping mess, *I* wouldn't hire me looking like this whatdoIdo

Someone picks up my umbrella. I didn't even realize I'd dropped it. I'm still freaking out. Someone is pulling me, I'm not even on this planet right now, someone is talking to me, I have an interview, where are my anxiety meds?

There's this blond guy hunched over, trying to bring me back down, telling me to breathe, calm down, you'll be okay. He's breathing with me and it's working and I think I might be crying but my face is so wet I can't tell.

He gets the story out of me once I'm back on planet Earth, and gets this determined look on his face. Drags me across the street into a clothing store. A really, really nice clothing store. Outta-my-budget, outta-my-lifetime sort of clothing store. Pushes me to the racks, tells me to pick out whatever I want.

I don't even question it - I may be back on Earth, but I'm still in the upper atmosphere somewhere. I grab a few things to take to the dressing room and fit myself into an extremely nice pantsuit. An attendant comes in to help, gets the tags off so I can wear the clothes out, bags my soaking wet puddle of fabric and blond guy pays for it all without even blinking.

He leads me back out, hails a cab, and I'm like, what now? And we pull up to a salon and he gets my hair dried and done, I KNOW he must have tipped the hairdresser a crazy amount to get me in and out that quickly, and the cab is idling outside the whole time, waiting to take me to my interview when we're done. All the while, blond guy is smiling, cracking jokes, and just being all-around charming. I'm wondering what I'm going to owe for this, what he wants, maybe he's some sort of creeper? But he seems so nice?

And when we're done, he prods me over to the cab, but doesn't get in. Doesn't ask for anything, just wishes me good luck. Like, who even is this guy? Who does all that for a total stranger?

All Might, that's who. Holy crap you guys, All Might got me to my interview on time and it's the best job I've ever had. I'd still be pushing pencils in a miserable office if he hadn't been there that day.

 Kirasagwa74

A train ride

I remember a time before All Might. I remember when the Yakuza worked out in the open and villains took what they wanted without fear.

I'm old, is what I'm saying. These bones ache and creak every time the weather even thinks about changing. I don't complain too much; I'm used to it. I'm used to being out of the loop and lost in the shuffle. It's alright - I have my routines and I stick to 'em.

One of them is riding the train to a favorite cafe. They have an excellent coffee blend. I've seen All Might on that train many times, though I never knew it was him until a little while ago. He's a good man with kind eyes. If it was crowded, he would let me have his seat. Chat about the good ol' days, heroes from another generation. I haven't seen him on the train in a while. I miss him.

SingleSuperMom31 Carried Home

This was pretty recent - just a few months ago. Long post up ahead.

Context: I'm a single mom. My ex didn't want kids, so I've raised Aya by myself. It's been a little difficult lately thanks to a broken arm, but I've managed.

Anyway, I took Aya to a local park a few months ago. It's a few minutes walk from the apartment, and I wanted to grab some things from the store anyway, so I took her out to let her burn off some energy. Her Quirk is Photosynthesis, so she has a lot of it!

When we get there, the first thing Aya wants to do is get on the swings. She's almost three and my arm is broken - I don't want to put her in a regular swing in case she falls, so I'm trying to maneuver her into one of the strapped swings with one arm. Aya isn't heavy, but I'm still struggling to manage when a thin man with blond hair walks up.

"Ma'am? Would you like some help?"

He's tall, super super tall, and gaunt, but he has a kind smile. Aya likes him right away and helps her into the swing and pushes her a little while she screams to go higher.

He was so, so nice to my little girl. He let her call him Toshi and played with her for over an hour, lifting her on the monkey bars and holding her hands on the balance beam since I couldn't manage it at the moment. He sits with me when some other children come to play, and we talk a while, about Aya, about how my arm got broken (it's quite a story), about being a single parent.

It's hard, you know? I love my kid, I'd die for her, but it's still hard, and it's even harder with this arm. He was just so nice - he had this presence, like you could tell him anything and I did. I told him about my ex, that he left, that he didn't want to be a part of Aya's life. You could tell he was really listening, not just being polite. I've gotten a little teared up, and he just smiles and pulls a handkerchief out of his pocket. He's quiet for a little bit, watching the kids play. Then he turns back to me, and I know I'll remember this for the rest of my life, word for word -

"I don't have any family of my own, so perhaps it doesn't mean much coming from me," he looks a little awkward. "But for what's it's worth, I think you're doing a fine job. One day, Aya will be old enough to appreciate what a strong, lovely mother she has."

Aya sees me crying and comes rushing over, hugging my knees and I'm a mess and maybe a little bit in love. He's just so kind and Aya has crawled into my lap and hugs my neck. It's sunset, so her Quirk is finally slowing down and she falls asleep while I'm still reeling over the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me.

I'm apologizing, it's late, I still haven't gone to the store, Aya is asleep on my lap and I'm trying to figure out how I'm gonna get her home with this broken arm and he offers to walk us home. He lifts Aya up and puts her head on his shoulder and I know she's drooling a bit, but it doesn't seem to bother him. He radiates this goodness and warmth and safety; I don't even hesitate to invite him in for a cup of tea. He comes in long enough to put Aya on the couch, but doesn't stay. He wished us both well, and that was it. I took Aya to the park every day that week, hoping to see him again, but I didn't.

Until two weeks ago - I was making dinner and Aya was watching cartoons. I thought it was cartoons anway, when she yells -

"Mommy! That's the man who carried me home!"

And that's definitely him, there's no mistaking it. I shouldn't be letting a three year old watch this, but I can't look away either. All Might played with my Aya. All Might told me I was a good mother. All Might carried my daughter home. All Might is fighting for his life on my television right now.

I didn't know what love was until I held Aya in my arms. I didn't know what heroism was either, not until that night. Not until I connected two people together and realized they were the same person. I didn't know what a hero was until I realized that "hero" wasn't a title All Might put on and took off, it's something he IS, 24/7, on and off the clock. I'd live the rest of my life with a broken arm if I could have half of the strength and kindness that exists in this man, if I could be even a fraction of the person he is.

I think about him every day. I got an All Might keychain, so I'd always have something close by to remind me that heroism isn't always about punching villains and holding up buildings; sometimes, heroism is about talking to a stranger. Sometimes, heroism is about pushing a swing.

Sometimes, heroism is about carrying a little girl home.